apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
