My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
