me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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