I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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