Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
