you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
