hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
