I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
