i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
