I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
