mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my being single is dangerous.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
