I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
