are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
