I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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