remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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