everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
These tits shall not be calmed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
