dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
