Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
