i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
