I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
