I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
