Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
