Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
