Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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