I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm too high and old for this...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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