dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
