Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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