i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
