We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
