Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
