So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
