I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize