Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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