Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
