my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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