Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
