lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
