we have pet lesbian snakes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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