The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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