I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
