White coat. Heels.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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