'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
