did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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