note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
