He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
