She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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