MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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