His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
