It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
