You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
