drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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