he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
