I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
