I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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