Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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