i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
