is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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