You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
do nipples grow back?
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