Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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