Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
