how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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