why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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