she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
