i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
