this boner is exhausting
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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