I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
