I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
