Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
