Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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