The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
