saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
