never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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