you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
