Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
