making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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