i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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