Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize