I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
