I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
