I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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