I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
