How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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