"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
