I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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