Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
