He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
