I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome