wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...