That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend