Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

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  (518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her... http://tfl.nu/xju0
  Replies (79) Good night (2297) Bad night (28700)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

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  (410): You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad. http://tfl.nu/7eya
  Replies (15) Good night (1477) Bad night (4455)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.

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  (720): She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/92ru
  Replies (9) Good night (2971) Bad night (765)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

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  (209): I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/cws8
  Replies (23) Good night (906) Bad night (3179)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

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  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
  Replies (3) Good night (1941) Bad night (782)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

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  (757): I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet. http://tfl.nu/keov
  Replies (8) Good night (877) Bad night (1280)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

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  (609): Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps http://tfl.nu/8xhn
  Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (571)
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  (909): View more from California

  This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.

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  (909): This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/sxb3
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (1005)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.

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  (310): I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover. http://tfl.nu/1zuj
  Replies (4) Good night (1378) Bad night (814)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later

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  (708): If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later http://tfl.nu/o4md
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (898)
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1683) Bad night (596)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.

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  (989): I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night. http://tfl.nu/dsb1
  Replies (2) Good night (816) Bad night (371)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think

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  (724): So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think http://tfl.nu/tp1z
  Replies (4) Good night (857) Bad night (371)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.

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  (734): Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life. http://tfl.nu/3mco
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened

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  (616): We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink (1-616): Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened http://tfl.nu/0an5
  Replies (1) Good night (942) Bad night (251)

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