Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT