Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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