it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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