Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
