My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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