wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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