Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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