Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
